We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
