Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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