You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
