i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
