i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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