I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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