how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
we should paint friendship bongs
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