Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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