I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
