I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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