I can't watch pbs sober anymore
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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