I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
