I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
