i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
