'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
