I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
