I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
