You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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