is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
