Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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