i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
