Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just gargled with NyQuil
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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