Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
