I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
