you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
