when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
