this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
