I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
