my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
As shirtless as possible
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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