Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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