His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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