I feel like abortions should bother me more
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
