You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
