my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
