Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
