SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
