Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i black out too much to be "responsible"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
