there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
