i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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