The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Someone shattered a urinal.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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