i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
