so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
