don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
why is half of my head shaved?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
