happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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