my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
