Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
