She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
YAS. BRING CRAB.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
