I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
