Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
