he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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