It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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