somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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