how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
