Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
my being single is dangerous.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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