He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
