I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
