Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
