If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
